Heteronormativity and Hopefulness

This year, Thanksgiving at Chez Rozilla turned unintentionally heteronormative: did all of the cooking, while I sat downstairs and ran Positron's Task Force in CoH. (Hey, at least I wasn't watching football.) Like I said, it wasn't intentional; I didn't realize that the TF was that long when I accepted the team invite. I did contribute to dinner by running out to RiteAid after we realized that we'd never replaced the corkscrew that broke ages ago. And everything was delicious: the Cornish game hens with pomegranate glaze, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes in cranberry-orange sauce (thank you, Trader Joe's), mustard greens, a bottle of cabernet for Ruth and white zin for me (thanks again, TJ's!). And if we can ever eat again, there's vanilla bean cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory for dessert.

I'm not going to do the requisite "what I'm thankful for" post this year, because frankly, 2008 was mostly full of suck, and what I'm most thankful for is that it wasn't any worse. Instead, I'm going to look forward to the things that I'm hopeful about:

1. I'm hopeful that now that my mother's in the hospital, she'll be able to get the treatment that she needs. I know I'm never going to get the mother I remember back, but at least maybe she can get to a point where she's not constantly unhappy and angry and making everyone around her miserable.

2. I'm hopeful that the California Supreme Court will recognize that the civil rights of a minority--any minority--should never be left to the popular vote, and that Proposition 8 will be overturned so that I can be married again.

3. I'm hopeful that with an intelligent, competent President in the White House, there's a chance we can avoid hurtling off the cliff we've been careening toward for the past eight years. No, Obama's not the Great Progressive Hope, but he appears to be a genuinely thoughtful man who cares about all of the people of this country, and who wants America to live up to its promise.

4. I'm hopeful that 2009 will suck less than 2008, for everyone.

Our Marriage: Let Us Show You It

If this is kind of disjointed and rambly, it's because I finally failed my "Save vs. Current Cold Virus". I felt like death insufficiently warmed over when I woke up yesterday morning, so I stayed home and slept most of the day. Telesilla made her awesome cold-weather lentil stew and did a load of laundry. I had some stew when I woke up, along with a couple of the cookies we made Sunday night. At some point, I may play some CoX and try to get the Zombie Apocalypse badges for more of my characters, and I may write a bit; Telesilla's still getting over her cold; she's gone to bed already and is asleep with the kitten curled up on the pillow next to her.

It's a pretty typical evening for us, really. Our idea of an exciting night is going out to dinner--if we're really feeling adventurous, we'll go somewhere other than the local tacqueria or the little cafe with the awesome crepes. Once a month, we'll go into the Bay Area to hang out with friends, and once a year for the past three years we've gone up to Sea Ranch in February with friends for a writing weekend.

This is pretty much our glamourous lesbian lifestyle: a couple of chubby middle-aged women in an apartment in Northern California with two cats, driving a 7-year-old Volkswagen Bug with fuzzy d20's hanging from the rearview mirror. This is what's being described as "Armageddon" and "more important than the presidential election" by some on the right. We're the great threat to "traditional marriage". We're the reason the California constitution has to be amended, because otherwise more people like us, might get married.

I've commented on several blogs now, asking for someone to list specific examples of how our marriage has harmed theirs--or affected their lives in any way. Strangely enough, no one's taken the challenge. No one's been able to explain exactly how traditional marriage has become such a fragile entity that it must be defended from a couple of geeky lesbian fangirls, or why 50%+1 of California voters should be allowed to decide whether my marriage is valid when I wake up on November 5.

I feel like I should say something profound, but the truth is that our marriage is made up of a collection of tiny, mundane moments--just like the marriage of everyone else I know. How is telling us that we can't get married because we're both girls any different than telling us we can't get married because I'm black and Telesilla's white? How is this so important that state law has to be changed? How is this--how are we--a threat to anyone?

The answer is simple: it isn't, and we're not. Proposition 8 is unfair, because it will write discrimination into law. Proposition 8 is unnecessary, because marriage doesn't need protecting from us. Proposition 8 is wrong, because it says that we don't deserve to be happy because of who we love.

*sigh*

After weeks of poll numbers indicating that voters in CA were going to reject Prop 8, two new polls are showing it ahead.

Please, please, those of you in CA...get out and vote. I want to stay married.

*incoherent frothing*

I can't...this is...WHAT THE FUCK???

The Sac Bee has a story about a couple who refused to sign the wedding licence in Sacramento because it refers to "Party A" and "Party B" rather than "Bride" and "Groom". They feel that their rights have been violated by the use of the non-traditional language.

I wonder if they refused to fill out their license forms at the County Clerk's office. It's all computerized now, and I'm pretty sure that's not "traditional".

The real kicker, though, is at the end of the article:

For now, they are busy with their family (she has two children from a previous marriage and he has three) and starting their new life.

He's 29.

She's 25.

Sounds like I'm not the one whose marriage needs to be "protected".

*flails*

In a little less than 16 hours, Telesilla and I will be married.

I'm only freaking out a little.

The rings came today--the right ones. We'd ordered them off Amazon at the beginning of August, and they arrived promptly, but both in the same size instead of a 6 and an 8. I called, and the woman sent another--size 7. We sent those back, and she sent a size 8, but in the wrong pattern. Today, she sent a 6 and an 8 in the pattern we wanted, so that's right, at least.

We had an appointment this afternoon at 1o go to a local spa and get our faces done. We got there on time, but the place was closed. I called and didn't get anyone, and it was hot, so we came home. About half an hour ago, I fiinally heard from the spa lady. She's been sick, which is fine, but hello? Call and let me know?

Tonight, we went out for sushi, so I'm feeling better, if a bit full. And yeah, still kind of nervous about this whole getting married thing.

Why I Love Her

I love Telesilla for a lot of reasons, including the fact that she often says things so I don't have to. For example, her post on the latest ass-showing moment in SGA fandom. Or her post on same-sex marriages, including ours.

So, yeah. September 5. It's just going to be us, a couple of our friends as witnesses, and the Sacramento County Clerk. We're saving up to move, so we didn't want to try to do anything extravagant, but we wanted to make it all official before November, just in case the ballot initiative to ban our marriage goes through. Don't worry--we'll give our friends plenty of notice before having the big party. :-)

We're not registering for stuff or really expecting gifts this time, but if you know us and want to do something, we've registered here (give it a couple of days before you try) with Equality California’s Marriage PAC, which is working to defeat the ballot initiative.

We can haz marriage nao!

Me: So, you wanna at some point?

Telesilla: Yeah.

Chez Rozilla: Where Romance is Not Dead Yet.

It doesn't really change anything, and our first priority is to save up enough to move into an apartment where the appliances are younger than I am.

But still...it's pretty fucking cool. And the reason I'm struggling not to cry is because of how many friends have said, "I immediately thought of you two."